Dear Diary......

Dear Diary,
I can share anything with you, right? My up most secrets and fears... Can I show you my armor is not as tough as I sometime portray?
The last week or so haven't gone so well. Gabby's eye contact has decreased and her ability to cope is well not very good. The meltdown are intensifying, she is becoming aggressive and frankly I don't think her speech is as clear as it was. I must admit she is now putting more words together which may have something to do with the speech, but honestly I can only speculate. I am scared to death, I can't go back to the way things use to be. I can't watch my daughter harm herself, I hate watching her cry and not being able to help her. Also, there is some selfishness in there.... I don't know if I have the strength to go back. I applaud the parents that have the ability to do it. I wish there was a magic wand and I could fix it all, but I can't. What I can do is be proactive. I am starting the GF, SF diet again. I am going to try to keep the casein and see where that takes us, if she doesn't respond as well as she did I will remove that also. We have started up ALL the supplements again, 3 days into it and eye contacted seemed better today.
I think it's crap that her diets and holistic treatment aren't covered by insurance, especially when I have medical doctors that have documented her success with these things. I guess it's left up to us. Some how I need to preform a magic trick and pull the rabbit out of the hat. Money is tight for so many families, especially those with a child with any kind of specials needs. I have looked into it and there really isn't anyway to legally grow a money tree :) As I stated before I am going to start a fundraiser to help with some of these needs. I have to say I am over joyed with the people that have offered to help us. I know no words to express my gratitude..........
I must admit I have meet some amazing people on this journey, people I know we could never have made it as far with out them.  So to all those special people ..... Thank You <3 <3 <3 <3